He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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