I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I did not marry a roomba.
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