I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
