If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
