I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
