repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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