Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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