I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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