I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize