We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
