I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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