I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We need to get me chipped asap
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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