I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Panties = found
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
