I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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