Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize