i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
