you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
