the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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