I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
