just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
