I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
