Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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