i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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