Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
