How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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