Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
