ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize