I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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