Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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