so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
