the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
