You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
