do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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