: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
