Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
