I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
