Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
