Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
