Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
