When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we're so committed to being not committed
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
