Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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