Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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