I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize