i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
