Where are you?
In a non slutty way
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
