**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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