omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize