We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
