in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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