I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
