I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
