Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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