if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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