how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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