on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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