wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
