I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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