you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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