i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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