There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This toilet bowl is my home.
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