I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
