Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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