i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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