"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
