Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
