My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize