i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
