why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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