I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
