bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
